For the moment...

...I'm here. For the moment, one moment at a time, because that's all there is.

Started knitting again - little things. Second socks, scarves - mindless stuff. Can't do more than that these days. I so often get interrupted, or lose interest and wander off. Still, it's good to have something to do with my hands, and I like the feel of the yarn. I find I am motivated by color and texture more than anything else. I like to feel soft, sensuous yarn in my hands, and to fall in to deep, dark, rich colors. It soothes me, this in-the-moment aesthetic hedonism. It seems worth noticing. It asks nothing of me - I needn't finish it, nor even start it. The yarn itself is lovely and pleasing to touch and look at. Its needs are simple and few, and that is a relief.

Went to knitting on Saturday, and felt rejuvenated. I've missed you guys so much, you have no idea. I've been so disoriented lately, lost my anchors, gone whirling off into space untethered and alone. There are people around me, of course, but ultimately we are all alone. There's only room for one in here, and sometimes not even that much.

All exploration is solitary. All growth comes from within. I'm changing, but into what? Only one way to find out.